Reflections of Love and Mistakes
by Corinne1
Summary: Tristan and Rory look back on a love lost and a friendship severed only to wonder where they went wrong.
1. Tristan's regrets

[A/N: hey everyone…this is my first attempt to write anything resembling fanfiction, but it's more like the character's P.O.V.'s on the situtation, not an actual story. Please keep that in mind, but I love constructive criticism…it will only make my writing better, so be mean, and tell me what I need to improve on! Thanks and enjoy!]  
  
  
  
Tristan's P.O.V. - Rory finally decided to ignore Tristan for good.  
  
She had hurt me again.  
  
Of course it wasn't the first time.  
  
I loved her, and she wouldn't even speak to me. Not before, not now, not ever.  
  
Not really anyhow.  
  
Not since that night.  
  
That was the first and last time that she actually seemed to care. Probably because it was the first time that I had really shown her that I was vulnerable. Shown anyone for that matter.  
  
I exposed myself to her.  
  
I had never done that for anyone. Somehow whenever she was around, I yearned to drop the false façade that I had spent so long perfecting. Yearned to be a better person, to care for her, to comfort her, to love her.  
  
Not that I ever let her know this.  
  
No, of course not.  
  
Like an idiot I kept shutting her off to the person that I really am. Instead, fronting as an egotistical womanizer who viewed her as an accomplishment.  
  
A prize.  
  
They say that women aren't prizes. They're wrong. She is.  
  
I would give anything to have her, to touch her silky brown hair, her porcelain skin, to get lost in her eyes.  
  
But I can never have her.  
  
She would never want me.  
  
As much as it kills me to admit it, I have been defeated. Not only defeated, but wounded.  
  
Scathed. Scarred.  
  
But I wouldn't take it back for anything.  
  
I enjoyed every second of contact that we exchanged. Every electric spark that emitted from her skin being on mine. Every second when we conversed with heated banter. The flirty arguments, her witty retorts. Her quirks and caffeine guzzling. All of it amazed me.  
  
Captivated me. Entranced me.  
  
But hurt me.  
  
Hurt me because I knew that she could never love me like I love her.  
  
Hell, she couldn't even stand to be in the same room as me.  
  
And it hurt me to the very core. 


	2. Rory's mistakes

Ugh…why did he have to be so…so….Tristan?  
  
It's not fair.  
  
I hate being used. Being played. Being in love.  
  
Especially when I know that the feelings aren't reciprocated.  
  
They can't be. I was just a game. A bet. Nothing serious.  
  
That look in his eyes told me it was more. Told me I was more.  
  
More than any of those other girls.  
  
I must have been wrong.  
  
How could I be so naïve? So stupid? So blind?  
  
But I was so sure. So sure that this time he was different. That he had changed.  
  
Changed for me.  
  
I thought he had let me see him. The true Tristan. The one that he had never shown any of those other girls. Any of those Chiltonies. Anyone.  
  
I thought I was the first to see the good, caring, loving, sweet, honest person that he was.  
  
But it was all lies.  
  
Wishful thinking.  
  
All part of his game. All an act.  
  
There was never anything there.  
  
There was never that spark that I thought I felt when we touched. Never that innocent vulnerability that I had a glimpse of. Never that smile that made my whole world light up. Never a different person. Never a changed person. The same old Tristan. Self-centered Tristan. Mean Tristan.  
  
I have to give him credit. He had me fooled.  
  
For a moment I thought that there was more. But just for a moment.  
  
Then the harsh reality came spinning back.  
  
Reminding me that I was just a game. A conquest. Nothing serious. 


	3. Full of Surprises

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. Zip. Nada. WAIT! Almost forgot…I do own the plot!  
  
Pairing: Rory and Tristan  
  
Summary: um…ready for a little Trory banter? This chapter's chalk full of it!  
  
Feedback: Pretty, pretty please? Aww….c'mon! This is my first fic! And I'd be eternally grateful, I swear! Just one little button….  
  
  
  
[A/N ~~~ My first fic here! Not to mention, first attempt at Trory interaction! Let me know if I've got the character's right! ::fingers crossed:: hope you enjoy! And by the way, Tristan never left!]  
  
[***IMPORTANT*** the first parts of this fic were told in the present. These next chapters are all flashbacks of the story behind the first chapters! (did that make any sense?!?!)]  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ beginning of a long flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Rory sat outside the walls of her daily prison, contemplating the works of yet another classic author, oblivious to anything and everything around her. Her mind wandered along with the story, and she allowed herself to forget everything else. Until one voice interrupted her thoughts.  
  
"Hey Mary, why so alone?" Tristan said as he straddled her bench, sitting next to her, and just a little too close.  
  
Rory looked up from her book, already knowing all too well who she'd see when she did.  
  
"Tristan." She spat back, her voice having the same edge that always seemed to make its appearance around a certain blonde Adonis.  
  
//As if today wasn't already bad enough. //  
  
"My, my, Mary" Tristan said, getting up and walking behind her. "I've never heard my name said with such lust, such passion. Just say the word, and I'm yours." His playful tone never faltering as he slid in next to her.  
  
She'd come to except the name Mary, realizing the futileness of disowning it. However, today, she all but embraced the banter that would accompany it.  
  
"Ugh…Tristan, did someone give you the impression that you're welcome here? Because that's certainly not the case." She said, closing her book and moving away from the picnic table.  
  
Tristan grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. "Aww, Mary…. You and I both know that's not true. Why must you continue to torture yourself? Everything would be so much easier if you'd admit it. You love me." 'Both his eyes and smile flashed at the last statement.  
  
"I know that's what you yearn to hear, but as much as you want it, this isn't one of those  
  
wish-upon-a-star movies. I'll still dislike you as much as I always have, despite your deepest harbored desires." After relishing in his shocked expression, she turned to again make an exit, pulling her arm out of his grasp.  
  
"Touchy today, are we? I know just the thing to lighten your mood." Quickening his pace, he dodged in front of her and swiveled so they were face to face, purposefully blocking her escape route with the aid of an oak tree.  
  
" I can think of several things that would lighten my mood, but the one I have in mind requires hedge clippers, a letter opener, and your slow, painful demise." She wittily retorted, once again attempting escape, this time with resulting success, as she pushed past his arms and fled to the sidewalk.  
  
"Funny, I never pegged you as the violent type." Tristan commented, catching up with her and following for a second time.  
  
"I never pegged you as the annoying, persistent type, but yet, here we are" Rory extended her hands to emphasize the comment. With no answer, she continued "Don't you have somewhere to be?"  
  
"Not really." Tristan stated simply "and even if I did, this is much more fun." He added, with a trademark smirk. "C'mon, what's one date going to hurt you?" Tristan wheedled, quickly diverting the conversation back to its intended purpose.  
  
"You mean besides an evening of horrific torture and the irrepressible desire to commit a homicide?" She retorted, maintaining her serious guise throughout the obviously sarcastic answer.  
  
"Of course…" he answered simply. "Those are a given...." he shrugged, making her statement seem completely normal. Then he continued,  
  
"Honestly Mary, you can take one night away from your studies. I do it all the time, and I'm still at the top of the class." He stated, emphasizing the I and adding a smirk for good measure as he cut in front of her. He began to walk backwards, so he was facing her.  
  
" …And we again welcome the egotistical, arrogant, self-absorbed chiltonee into the conversation." Rory turned and walked quickly away from her stalker. Finding him still in hot pursuit, she added, "Is it so hard to believe that I have something better to do with my night than spend it with you?"  
  
"What could be better than spending a night with me?" Tristan haughtily replied, still on her tail, in spite of her efforts.  
  
"Nearly anything." She said hastily " But if you have to know, I already have plans" she stated firmly, turning the corner.  
  
Answering her matter-of-fact tone with mock surprise, Tristan inquired, "A date? Are you serious, Mary?" Finding her void of response, he continued, "with who, if you don't mind me asking?"  
  
"I do mind." She said, turning another corner, all the while attempting to shake her unperturbed follower.  
  
"Tell me anyhow, it was more rhetorical." He demanded, finding that she'd suddenly stopped her mad dash down the sidewalk and forced his feet to a stop, effectively doing the same.  
  
"James, and how was that rhetorical?" she asked in an attempt to change the subject.  
  
"Care to specify, considering that there are thousands of people named James who grace this earth?" Tristan inquired with feigned charm, ignoring her question.  
  
"Riley, if you must know" Rory sat on the enclosed bench, pulling out her book, A Midsummer night's Dream, yet again and setting it on her lap.  
  
"Ah…James Whitcomb Riley? …where is Mary Alice Smith, the old soldier's story, dialect in literature…that James Riley?" Tristan, quite proud of his response, slide in beside her.  
  
"Another surprise. Our Tristan, a bookworm. So you know of him?" she turned to look at him, with an expression of genuine interest.  
  
Tristan turned serious "Yep. I'm full of surprises. You, of all people, should know that, Rory," he said as he held her face in his hands and brushed the soft pad of his thumb across her cheek.  
  
[A/N ~~~ ::mwoahahahaha:: I thought that this would be a good place to stop. I'm gonna leave you guys guessing! Do you think she'll soften at his touch, or maintain her defensive sarcasm? Let me know what you think!  
  
SPEACIAL THANKS to Ellie ( GG Groundhog Day, Fate, Strawberries) for her excellent help in editing this chapter!] 


	4. Too Blind

Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Gilmore Girls or any of its characters  
  
Pairing: Rory and Tristan  
  
Summary: Tristan and Rory look back on a love lost and a friendship severed only to wonder where they went wrong.  
  
Feedback: Please read and review, it means more to me than anyone knows. I won't push too much for it, but one little comment can make my entire day!  
  
Author's note: this isn't very a long chapter, but it's certainly eventful, it's sets the scene for the rest of the fic! Sorry I've been gone so long!  
  
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"Another surprise. Our Tristan, a bookworm. So you know of him?" she turned to look at him, with an expression of genuine interest.  
  
Tristan turned serious "Yep. I'm full of surprises. You, of all people, should know that, Rory," he said as he held her face in his hands and brushed the soft pad of his thumb across her cheek.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
She searched his eyes for any subtle hints of playfulness, but none were found. His attention darted between her mouth and her shining blue orbs as she bit her bottom lip in thought. Having finally made her decision, Rory shrugged his hand away from her cheek and turned her head to stare in the distance.  
  
" Tristan, why do you have to do this all the time?" She asked, her tone sincere, and her gaze focused on a tree across the street. She turned to face him. " I never know what to think. I mean one minute it's Zach in 'She's all that' and the next you're Tuck. How am I supposed to figure you out?" She paused for a split-second before continuing. " Maybe I'm not supposed to, but you're so frustrating that I can't help but try. I mean, just when I think that you HAVE to be exactly what you seem, no more and no less, I remember that you're smarter than that. I know you better than that. Well, not really, but I know you're smarter. And then that makes me wonder why you do all these stupid things. So just tell me, what's been going on with you lately? Are you going through something, or is this all there is to the 'great Tristan DuGrey'?" She finished, slightly winded and awaiting an honest answer.  
  
Tristan, dumbfounded by her sudden outburst, switched his gaze to his shoes as he tried to answer her. " Nothing. Nothing's 'going on'." He answered softly and uncertainly. As if suddenly remembering something, his jaw tensed and his tone became defensive. He looked up to meet her stare. " What's it matter to you, anyway?" With each passing word, his voice grew more and more angered. "You're so wrapped up in your perfect life that you're too blind to see what's right in front of you. You know what? I can't do this anymore."  
  
Her brow furrowed in confusion as she tried to process what he'd said.  
  
Tristan stood up and let out a sigh of frustration. He looked down at her with a slight shake of his head. " Forget it. I'm tired of waiting for you to figure it out."  
  
With that, he walked away, leaving behind a bewildered and confused Rory. She contemplated running after him. He owed her an explanation, but she ultimately decided against it. She sat silently as the stars-hollow bus jerked to a halt in front of her. She climbed the stairs and took a seat by the window as the engine revved and the bus left the stop. 


	5. Forever Lost

Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Gilmore Girls or any of its characters  
  
Pairing: Rory and Tristan  
  
Summary: Tristan and Rory look back on a love lost and a friendship severed only to wonder where they went wrong.  
  
Feedback: Please read and review, it means more to me than anyone knows. I won't push too much for it, but one little comment can make my entire day!  
  
Author's note: this one's a bit longer for you! Enjoy!  
  
  
  
  
  
Tristan stood up and let out a sigh of frustration. He looked down at her with a slight shake of his head. " Forget it. I'm tired of waiting for you to figure it out."  
  
With that, he walked away, leaving behind a bewildered and confused Rory. She contemplated running after him. He owed her an explanation, but she ultimately decided against it. She sat silently as the stars-hollow bus jerked to a halt in front of her. She climbed the stairs and took a seat by the window as the engine revved and the bus left the stop.  
  
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Rory staggered into the halls of hell, barely noticing the curious glances thrown her way. She failed to realize that the stars-hollow bus stop was within earshot of Chilton, therefore the details of her conversation with Tristan had by now been spread through the entire student body.  
  
Had she know this, she might not have stared at him so much during class.  
  
***************************************************  
  
Snap yourself out of it Rory! Enough is enough. Concentrate. Concentrate. Concen.  
  
"Now, can someone please tell me the year that this took place?" Mrs. Landen asked.  
  
Rory raised her hand to respond the question posed by her teacher. "1857." She answered.  
  
"1957. Miss Gilmore, it would help if you were in the right century. Please pay attention, you'll appreciate it come next Wednesday." She scorned.  
  
Rory nodded her head and again began furiously scribbling notes. As the period went on, her notes became more and more vague, until she was again focusing all of her concentration on the enigma before her.  
  
The names and dates were merely mumbles and background noise as she felt her attention slipping. Tristan turned to look at the clock on the back wall of the room, inadvertently entrancing Rory with a glimpse of his profile.  
  
Her pencil dropped from her hand as she mesmerized his features. Her gaze shifted down from his messy golden tendrils to his eyes.  
  
His eyes. Damn they were amazing.  
  
Those sparkling blue orbs, they told her what she needed to know. Not everything, but enough. Like yesterday. Yesterday, she saw pain, she saw fear, and she saw frustration. They let her see into his mind. Through one glance, she could decipher his every feeling. She could detect the playfulness in his tone during their banter, the fake way he talked to other girls. The pretend grin he flashed to the faculty. But there was one thing she never saw. What she failed to notice was the want.  
  
The want that consumed his every moment, every thought.  
  
Her stare moved down to his mouth as he bit his full, pale lip in thought.  
  
In a lot of ways, he reminded her of herself, struggling to be free from the confines of society. Though they came from two different worlds, the prison was the same.  
  
She saw something in him. Something more than the typical rich boy. Though he acted like one might expect, she never missed the smile he gave her. Not one of those fake smirks, but a true smile. A real smile. She saw the look of sincerity in his eyes. That's how she knew it was real.  
  
This often led her to ask why he chose her. Out of everyone, why did she get to see the genuine Tristan DuGrey? Maybe, he saw an escape in her. Maybe, he, too, realized how similar they were. Maybe, he found comfort in someone who felt the same way he did. Or maybe not.  
  
Either way, he's hiding in there somewhere, waiting to get out. An angry boy. A trapped boy. A boy waiting to break away from what was expected of him. He didn't want to live the way he did any more than she wanted to live the way she did. He wanted freedom to do the unexpected, to do what he wanted.  
  
They were more alike than anyone would ever guess.  
  
She watched his powerful jaw-line move as he chewed on the tip of his pencil, and she remembered the kiss. Sweet, innocent, meaningless.  
  
Or was it?  
  
How could it have been? Does one find themselves incessantly remembering a meaningless kiss? Recalling the sounds, the sights, the tastes?  
  
Wow, the memories.  
  
She could still sense the smell of his cologne: manly, but with a certain tenderness.  
  
She could still taste the mint on his lips; it left her own tingly and swollen.  
  
To this day, she could still remember how his voice sounded that night: so comforting, so smooth, and yet so gruff.  
  
But most of all, she could still remember the feelings. So many feelings. The dominant feeling though, the one that plagued her mind, was how right it felt, how perfect.  
  
No, it wasn't meaningless. It was anything but meaningless. Too bad he'd never feel what she did.  
  
She watched as his muscular arms reach to pick up his books. How wonderful they would feel wrapped around her waist. How safe and comfor---  
  
wait!  
  
His books?! Had class gone by that quickly?  
  
Sure enough, the bell rang moments later and everyone was making a move to the door. Shaken from her trance, Rory gathered her things. As she stood up from her desk, she heard a husky voice from behind her. In almost a whisper he spoke. "Still oblivious?"  
  
He pushed past her quickly, allowing no time for a response.  
  
***************************************************  
  
Of course he'd known she was looking. He knew her too well to think that she wouldn't be. But what he didn't know was that she was looking with longing. With want.  
  
The same want that he'd looked at her with so many times.  
  
It's quite possible that even she, herself, hadn't know the want was there. But it was undeniably present. For a long while, neither would admit it, and until one of them finally realized it, both would remain forever lost in their daydreams. 


End file.
